Missing scene from Starsky’s Brother
(Starsky’s POV)
I stood there and watched him slam the door.
You
weren’t there for me. That’s what he said and
it went through me like a bullet. My kid brother was throwing it in my face – I
wasn’t there for him and all those people that dad wouldn’t have let him go
near; they are his mentors now. If only
he knew how much he hurt me with those five words. How many times I screamed them into my pillow
when I couldn’t forgive dad for leaving me alone like that. How many times I
needed to feel him beside me; how much I wanted to lean on him the way I did
when he held me on his lap when I had a nightmare or a tantrum. How I missed him stroking my hair when I was
sick and how I needed him to be there when I got into trouble so far away from
home.
He came to me eventually though. When I lay in the field hospital screaming at
them to keep my body in one piece; he held out his hand and told me that it
wouldn’t hurt anymore if I went to him…but I knew he didn’t want me to run
away; so I fought it off and stayed there…here…alive. That’s when I learned that dad was there for me when I needed him.
Nick doesn’t remember dad like I do. He was too young although he was already a
pain in the ass even then. Dad used to
call me his Sergeant. He was a
Lieutenant and he told me that I was his second in command. That scared me; but he promised me that I
wouldn’t have to take over ‘for a long time yet’. Six months later he was gone and there I was
thirteen years old and ‘the man of the family’.
I was supposed to be there for them. Momma needed me and Nicky needed to
feel my foot on his ass now and then.
Then momma and Joe knew that if I stayed in
I couldn’t be there for momma.
I couldn’t keep an eye on Nicky.
Nicky is an ungrateful little shit if the truth be
known. Mom tried to compensate for sending me away by spoiling him and he
twisted her round his little finger. Now
he was trying to do it to me. He stormed
out of here after throwing his wheeling and dealing in my face and I was feeling guilty.
I didn’t like what I heard either. They guys he runs with are dangerous; and
anyone who told him to say hello to Stryker is more than just trouble – man
he’s the Devil himself.
The way Nicky told me what a Robin Hood he was – how
he only deals weed not the hard stuff…how he could afford things I couldn’t…I
looked around my apartment. I worked
hard to get all this…and yes Nick was right, not many people would accept our
lousy salary for getting shot at. That’s when I spotted the bureau drawer.
Hutch will tell you, I’m a neat-freak. I can’t help it.
I like things to be clean and tidy. The
bureau drawer wasn’t closed properly. I
went over and looked inside. The pack of
Camels was still there, and the Zippo I brought back from ‘
I stood there for a moment, stunned. I had to go and
find him – but somehow I didn’t want to.
What I really wanted to do was run to the one person I could rely on to
be there for me…Hutch. But under the circumstances that wouldn’t be easy. Hutch still thinks I threw away the stuff I
had left after I’d been undercover at a studio – but I didn’t. In fact I didn’t need to – he’s so naïf
sometimes. Hutch the nature boy has never known what my favorite plant is! Yes that one over on the window ledge in the
kitchen – the one he thinks is a kind of oregano…I grow my own. I don’t buy and I don’t sell so I’m not
breaking the law. I need it sometimes
when the pain gets too much – after I’ve been running after some guy who didn’t
get his leg shattered in ‘Nam for example! And I’m very good – I only put it in
the lasagna if I know that Hutch is going to have a couple of glasses so he
won’t know the difference.
I grabbed my jacket and went to The Pits.
Huggy was wiping glasses and he looked kind of shifty
when I walked in. Like he knew something
that he didn’t want me to find out.
“Where is he Hug?”
He didn’t move his eyes from the glass in his
hand. “He hasn’t been in today
Starsk. I figure he needs to get new
stocks.”
“Yeah; pure profit – he ripped me off!”
I realized how funny the situation was and started to
laugh. I guess I needed the
release. Huggy caught it and we were
standing there giggling like a couple of schoolboys outside the girls changing
rooms at the gym.
That’s when Hutch came in.
“I was looking for you Starsk. Stryker is about to make a move. Word is Joey has come into town.” He looked at me and Huggy leaning on the
counter breathless with hysterics. “What’s so funny?” I drew my breath. “It’s an old joke Hutch, goes back to when we
were kids on the streets – I couldn’t even try to explain.” That set Huggy off again. Hutch gave us both one of his “Disgusted from